so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So squirting runs in the family.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
