babies were throwing up all over the place
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
