Dual....:-)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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