I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
