Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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