Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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