It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
