I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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