Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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