Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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