Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
