you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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