i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
