Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
