Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
