I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am mentally ready for anal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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