so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
