ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
