MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
