We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
