nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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