Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
