i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
