Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
