So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
