do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
