what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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