Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
