man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
