Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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