Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
