took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
