Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
