She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
