i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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