all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
