We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
