My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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