I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
