I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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