my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
