he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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