She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
