Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
