Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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