dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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