It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
