my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
