around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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