you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize