Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
