don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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