Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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