he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
