She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
