if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
