When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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