She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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