The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
