i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
