the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
