David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You did what with his pubic hair?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
