I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
