Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
