Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize