So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
