How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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