Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
