no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
