honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
