I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I won the penis lottery.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
