Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
