My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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