During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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