she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
