I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
