It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
