Soap is not a condiment
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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