Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
