you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
be right there i have to get my cape
Brb crying the tears of my youth
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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